Colors and Promises
by SouvenirsFamiliers
Summary: Thor and Loki's love story, from the beginning to the end of the world. Thunderfrost.
1. Chapter 1: The Beginning

_Author's note: _The title comes from "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri. Spoilers for _Thor_. The beginning of this chapter may seem familiar since I posted it separately on Tumblr a while ago, but I recommend reading it all the way through.

* * *

_Chapter 1: The Beginning_

This is a story of the end of the world.

* * *

Before the bifrost was broken, before Thor was banished, Thor had often gone on quests. Sometimes they were to make war on the Æsir's enemies; sometimes they were not quests at all, but adventures; sometimes they were simply to prove his might. Loki was invited along on occasion, but more often than not he was left at home.

The quests were not short. Asgard was a large place, and all the nine realms together were even larger. Thor would often be gone for a year or more. At first, when they were boys, Loki was hurt to be separated from his brother and left at home as though he were useless. Loki had thought it incredibly unfair. He spent a lot of time moping around the palace and missing Thor. He practiced spells and refined his magic to distract himself, and so that when Thor got home he would see that Loki had been doing useful things, too.

As he got older, he buried himself in books and tried not to think of Thor. Eventually, he realized that trying to forget Thor was impossible. He achieved a kind of pained acceptance that his brother would always leave him, and that nothing Loki could say would stop him. He would go outside at night when he could not sleep and stand on the bifrost, looking at the stars. He would think of Thor – not what he might be doing at that moment, because that drove Loki to jealousy, but of what Thor had been like in their childhood, and of all the happy moments when Loki had had his brother all to himself.

(Only occasionally did he let his thoughts stray to what it would be like when Thor came home. Loki's imagination always caused him more pain than his realities.)

Loki grew used to waiting. And when the bifrost did break, Loki finally realized how useless all that waiting had been.

* * *

A long time ago, on a cold winter night, Loki and Thor were supposed to be in bed. It had been Loki's idea to sneak outside and look at the stars.

Loki loved looking at the stars. They were so beautiful, and the sky seemed so immense. They made him feel small, but also comforted, as though the fact that something so beautiful could exist made his own future brighter. Loki could lose himself in the feeling. He thought it was the best in the world.

"Father took the embers from the fiery land of Muspell and threw them into the sky," Loki whispered to his brother. "That is how he created the stars and the sun."

"This is a boring story," Thor told him, not bothering to keep his voice quiet, "And I've already heard it."

Loki scowled. "No you didn't, you fell asleep. And shush, or they'll send us back to bed."

At that, Thor quieted down. He squinted back up at the stars in the way he did when he was thinking. "Do you really think they're just little embers?"

"They don't have to be small," Loki told him.

"There are a lot of them," said Thor.

They both looked up at the sky for a moment. "They're amazing," Loki said quietly. He immediately blushed and looked hurriedly at Thor; he hadn't meant to say that out loud.

Thor noticed and nudged him. "I think so too."

Emboldened, Loki looked back up at the stars. "Don't they make you feel small, but great at the same time?" Thor nodded. "Do you think . . . that is what it feels like to be in love?"

It was a feeling neither of them was familiar with, and neither of them had anything more to say as they stared at the night sky. Each of them was silently sure that when they fell in love in the distant future, it would be like that – vast, never-ending, and inexplicable. Surely that was the only kind of love fit for gods and for kings. Surely such was their fate.

* * *

This is a story of the end of the world. It seems only appropriate, then, for it to begin with the beginning of the world, when hoarfrost from the great rivers filled the Void and created life – but that is not where it starts. It starts with two children on a winter's night.


	2. Chapter 2: Hunting

_Author's note: _A drake is a male dragon.

* * *

_Chapter 2: Hunting_

Loki leaned against a tree and slid down to its base, gritting his teeth to keep from hissing. It was the first of Thor's hunting trips that Loki had gone on without their father, and it was already going badly. He examined his upper right arm. The wound wasn't bad, only a series of gashes and some raw skin. He sneered at his own weakness; of course it wasn't bad, the blood was already clotting. Even so, Loki did not dare move. He took a deep breath of forest air and listened.

Thor had not been wounded. Loki had not seen him for some time, but he was sure of it regardless. They had been hunting a young drake, a scrap of a thing, and Loki had been given the simplest job: to draw it out of hiding. When it had not taken the bait of a magical double (far from perfected, but one that did imitate his appearance almost accurately), he had gone closer to bait it himself – and it had taken the bait. He had been too slow to defend himself, and it had raked his arm as it had tried to find enough space to spread its wings. Loki had disappeared through the undergrowth an instant later when he had heard Thor leading the attack. Thor and his companions' fighting cries had since faded to calls of victory and distant voices. Loki pulled his knees tightly to his chest. If they saw that he had been hurt, they would tease him for days and he would forever be labeled as weak and useless.

"Brother?" The call was distant, but all of Loki's senses sharpened immediately. "Brother, where have you gone?" Loki tried to even his breathing. He had hoped that he had left too little a trace for Thor to track him, but his brother's voice was closer than he would have liked. It was a bay tree Loki sheltered under, he noted absently. He could smell the pungent leaves that were crushed beneath him. It was a pity that his brother did not track by scent, or Loki would have been well-hidden.

"Loki, this is no time for games."

Loki ignored the pain in his arm and drew upon a tendril of power. His brother was nothing if not stubborn, but if Loki could give him something that looked very much like Loki did . . . He closed his eyes and concentrated. He could see his own image in his mind. He very carefully tugged on his power, told it, _Do that, make something that looks like that . . . _He opened his eyes and squinted at where something was shimmering in the air.

"Brother, there you are."

Loki started and the shimmer disappeared. He scrambled to his feet and peered around the tree, keeping his right side carefully hidden. Thor was striding toward him, a relieved smile on his face. "I had feared you hurt," Thor said brightly. He stopped a few steps away from Loki. "We have captured the drake without more than a scratch among all of us!"

"I'm glad for it," Loki said tightly.

"Aren't you coming back with us? Surely there are better places to rest than beneath a tree." Thor laughed and it made Loki feel nettled. Perhaps he had been hiding behind the tree for other reasons, but he was fond of the forest and disliked Thor's dismissive nature.

"At least it was quiet," Loki snapped. Thor looked slightly hurt. Loki felt a little guilty. "But . . . yes, I shall come back with you." Neither of them moved.

Thor blinked. "Well, the horses are gathered over there." He nodded to the direction he had come from.

"I will follow at a distance, if you don't mind." Loki's sharp tone was back.

Thor frowned. "Brother, why do you stand behind the tree like that?" He took a step forward and Loki automatically took one back. Thor paused and gave him a knowing look. "Let me see."

"There's nothing to see."

Thor walked forward anyway. Loki knew he couldn't escape now, so he kept his ground. Thor took Loki's right hand and extended his unresisting arm. When he saw the gashes, he hissed in a breath. "You _are _wounded."

Loki glowered at him and tugged his hand away. "It is nothing."

"With some salve and bandages, perhaps, but not as it is." Thor smiled. "You need medical attention at home." When Loki said nothing, Thor tried a different approach. "I know where we keep them, back at home. I can bind it for you, and father will be none the wiser." Still Loki said nothing. Thor put a hand on his shoulder. "Do not worry about what the others think," he said in a quiet voice. "It is a war wound, is it not? Look–" Thor reached a hand to his shoulder as though to unfasten his cloak, but it was warm out and he wore none. Thor bit his lip and looked around as though he would find something on the ground. Loki almost smiled; his brother was too kind, sometimes. "Here," Thor finally said, and undid the cloth sash that secured his tunic. "Wrap it in this."

Loki took the fabric and wrapped the wound quickly. Blood stained the fabric immediately, but there was no help for it. Loki raised an eyebrow at his brother.

"Good," said Thor. "Do not worry. I will take our horses and tell the rest that we decided to go on ahead." Thor smiled. "Come. A feast awaits."

Loki snorted but relaxed. "This is hardly a great victory, brother."

"But warriors always get feasts, in the songs," Thor pointed out, and stepped away, heedless of the branches and leaves crushed noisily beneath his feet. Loki fell into stop automatically, though he was more careful and made hardly any sound.

"And you are not a warrior."

"I caught a drake!" Thor said indignantly. "How am I not?"

Loki smiled. "Not on your own."

"So? Warriors work together. Even father is not foolish enough to fight alone. Usually." The horses were now visible through the trees, and Loki let the conversation drop as he fell back behind a tree. Thor continued forward with confidence in his stride. "My friends!" he called.

"Thor!" responded Volstagg joyfully. "We thought you had become lost!" While the rest of the group were still growing awkwardly into their teenage bodies, Volstagg was nearly an adult. However, he rarely acted like Odin's other warriors, and he joked more than all of Thor's friends combined.

"No, I was not lost," Thor replied, and took his horse and Loki's by their bridles. "I found Loki, and we have decided to go on ahead."

"Ahead?" scoffed Fandral. "We are all eager to be home, Thor."

"Indeed," said Sif. "Do you think to claim our prize as your own?"

"Sif, you can carry the drake yourself if you like," Thor replied, and began to lead the horses away. "I will meet you at the castle."

"Very well, but we will not wait for you," said Fandral, and the group moved out.

Thor led the horses over to Loki and offered a hand to help him mount, but Loki ignored him and pulled himself up into the saddle one-handed. He cradled his arm against his chest and gritted his teeth as the wound protested. Thor swung up into his own saddle, and they set out at a walk. "At this rate we'll get there long after your friends," Loki pointed out.

Thor shrugged. "It does not matter," he said, but Loki knew that Thor must be disappointed to be held back by his brother.

"It is my arm that is hurt, not my legs," Loki told him. "I will race you to the castle gates."

"What?" asked Thor, startled, but Loki had already urged his horse into a gallop. A moment later Thor's horse leaped after him, and Loki grinned. Loki's horsemanship had always been better than his brother's, and he did not plan to lose a race to him now.

Loki won by a good three horse's lengths, and he laughed with joy as he slowed his horse to a walk inside the courtyard. Thor looked disgruntled and displeased that he had lost. "You had a head start," he complained.

"Not one _that_ large," Loki replied, grinning. "You started barely a step behind me."

They dismounted and left their horses to the servants. Thor was still frowning in annoyance, but when he saw how much blood had soaked through Loki's makeshift bandage, the frown disappeared. "Oh, Loki." Loki shot him a look, but Thor did not hide his concern. "The bandages are over here."

Thor had Loki sit down on a bench while tended to the wound. Thor did not have the deftest hands, but his touch was surprisingly gentle. Loki carefully kept his face blank and his arm still while Thor washed away the blood and cleaned the wound with a damp cloth. Thor carefully spread some salve across the cuts and wrapped it in clean linen. Loki watched Thor's face as he worked. Thor's face looked serious in the way it did whenever he was concentrating particularly hard on something. He was too young to grow a beard yet, but his face had lost some of his roundness and he was beginning to look like a man.

When Thor was done, he stepped back with a smile. "See? As good as new. Now come, and we will feast." Loki carefully arranged what was left of his sleeve over the bandage, and then let Thor pull him to his feet. Thor did not release Loki's hand. Loki let Thor lead him to the palace in that way, until they passed through its great doors and Thor let Loki's hand drop. Loki swallowed his disappointment. When they were alone, all of Thor's attention was on Loki, but he knew that the moment they entered the great hall, Loki would take second place to all the others at the feast. Thor gave Loki one last touch on the shoulder, and then they walked through the doorway and all his attention was gone.


	3. Chapter 3: Mortality

_Chapter 3: Mortality_

"Brother, you'll never guess what I found in my travels!" Thor's face was slightly different than Loki remembered it – leaner, and with stubble now. He had grown in the year and a half since Loki had last seen him. It was the first real quest Thor had gone on, and the first time they had been apart for so long. Thor pulled his brother into a firm hug, grinning.

"What, this?" Loki pulled back from the embrace and put a hand on his brother's cheek. The stubble was rough beneath his fingers. He couldn't help grinning as well. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, brother, but a beard does not suit you. If that is all you have to show for your travels, your talents were wasted."

Thor laughed and rubbed his own chin idly. "I had forgotten that you have not seen this yet. No, I bested a giant myself!"

"You've done that before," Loki pointed out, being dense on purpose. Thor loved to brag, and it was not often that Loki was in a mood to indulge him like this.

"No, not with the aid of others! It was vanquished only by my own strength."

Loki's face softened in a smile. Though he did not know it, love and pride shown through that smile. Thor noticed, and he felt his heart swell. "And you, brother! It has been so long. What have you accomplished while I have been gone?"

Loki laughed, but his expression lost some of its openness. "Much less than you, brother, as always."

"I doubt that," Thor said, and slung an arm around his shoulders. "Have you perfected your illusions of food and drink yet? I have come up with the most perfect way to make a fool of Volstagg."

"You would make fools of your friends?"

"They know it's all in good fun. Do not worry, brother; I would never lie in such a way to you."

"I don't doubt it. One of these days, your honesty is going to get you into trouble."

Thor laughed. "You are probably right, Loki, as always. You have not changed while I was away."

Loki smiled faintly. "Perhaps I have, more than is apparent, brother."

Loki had spent a lot of time thinking while Thor was away. Thor had gone on many quests without Loki when they were younger, but when Thor had left then, Loki had felt . . . different. This time, it had hurt to see Thor leave, but not in the same way. He had not felt jealousy or bitterness. Instead, he had felt something deep and cutting that he had only experienced a few times in the past. He had dwelled on that feeling in the passing months, trying to place it in his experiences and give it a name.

_I miss you, _he had thought, and that had not even begun to cover it.

It was the first time that he had felt that he was truly growing older, and he knew that whatever this feeling was, it was going to drive him and Thor apart. There was something else about the feeling, too, that nagged at the back of his mind – something about mortality, or a tale of the end of the world that Loki had only heard about in passing. He had always known that he would die, for all did in time; and Frigga, his own mother, had been the one to see the end of the world and speak of it in a prophesy. Loki did not know the details of Ragnorok – it was not safe for anyone but Odin and Frigga herself to know that – but he knew that since it had been foreseen, it was unavoidable. That had never scared him before. Surely his own death and the end of the world was a long way away.

But now there was Thor, present in Loki's mind in a way he had not been before, and Loki did not want Thor to die.


	4. Chapter 4: In the Dead of Winter

_Chapter 4: In the Dead of Winter_

The first time Thor and Loki went on a quest together, just the two of them, Loki was so happy he didn't know what to do with himself. They were young, and it didn't go well, not at all – Loki got them into trouble and had to fix it, as he always did – but it was one of Loki's fondest memories anyway.

It was after they got back, in the quiet of the library, that Loki realized he might be in love with his brother. It wasn't a pleasant realization. He saw Thor talking with Sif, and Thor laughing, and the jealousy that shot through him was so strong, for a moment he couldn't see straight. Thor was _his, _had been his while they had been traveling, and no one else was allowed to even think they could take Thor away from him.

Except that Thor wasn't his. Thor would never be his, and that was when it really started hurting.

* * *

Loki was curled up in the library. A book lay forgotten on his lap as he gazed at the patterns the frost had made on the glass of the window. They were beautiful, like feathers or lace.

"Loki?"

Loki looked up at his mother's voice. She smiled when she saw him. "There you are." He closed the book to show that she had his full attention, though he left a finger in it to keep his place.

"Hello, mother."

She settled down next to him in the window seat. "You skipped lunch."

"I had a snack." He nodded to an apple core sitting on the windowsill.

"Alright." She smoothed down his hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead. She looked worriedly into his green eyes. "You are taking care of yourself, aren't you?"

He looked at her curiously. "Of course."

"Your brother has been gone for quite a while."

Loki's expression closed off at the mention of Thor. He had thought his mother was here for an innocent reason, but no. "Yes," he said, forcing his voice to be calm. "Don't worry, I'm sure he's fine."

"You know it's not him I worry about. You're not yourself when he's not here."

He looked down at his book. He disliked how well she could read him, but he couldn't lie to her like he could to the others. When she wanted to, she could see right through him.

"You were always close," she said, her hands folded in her lap. "You two created such havoc when you were younger, always running around the palace together and coming up with the most creative pranks. I was so surprised to find that you were the only one to temper your brother. I was certain it was the other way around. If it were possible, I always thought that you two should rule the kingdom together." She smiled at him, but he did not respond. She sighed and looked out the window.

"Did I raise you right, Loki?" she asked, and that made him look at her with a slight crease between his brows. "Thor is always throwing himself into quests and hunting parties and training, while here you sit reading books and watching everything. He knows so little about so many things, and you know so much, but I wonder . . . is it better that he's had a chance to live it all?" She looked at him worriedly. "Do you regret the childhood I've given you?"

"You are not responsible for my childhood. You have done me no wrongs, mother."

She pressed a hand to his arm. "I know you miss him. I can only tell you that he will be back soon." She stood and left him in a rustle of skirts.

When she was gone, Loki rested his cheek against the cold glass. His mother had the power of foresight, he knew, though she told very few of what she saw. He wondered if she knew how he felt about Thor. _"You miss him." _That did not even begin to cover the ache that resided in his chest even when Thor was near.

He opened the book on his lap and looked at the words without seeing them. He smoothed out a bent corner of one of the pages. It was a book of stories, many of them love stories. They were ancient, about times he had no memory of. Love – yes, he loved his brother, but he knew the differences between the kinds of love now. He hoped, sometimes, that this feeling would fade, but it seemed to only strengthen the more the thought of Thor. It was worst in the moments when they were apart.

That was how Thor found him three hours later, his thoughts clearly elsewhere as he gazed at a book in his lap in the library. At his footsteps, Loki's head shot up and his eyes widened in surprise.

"Brother!" Thor said with a grin. "I have returned!"

"Thor." Loki did not have a chance to stand before Thor had dropped into the place next to Loki in the window seat. Loki looked at him in amazement. Thor laughed.

"Is my arrival so unexpected? Mother said she had warned you."

"When she said soon, I assumed she meant it was a matter of days." Loki looked Thor over. "You look well."

"Indeed I am. I will be sure to regale you with tales of my adventures at the evening meal."

Loki smiled, though it was clear he was trying not to. "All the more reason for me to miss it."

Thor grinned. He saw that a book was still open on Loki's lapped, and he leaned over his shoulder to look at what he was reading. He put his arms around Loki's shoulders to grab the book out of Loki's hands. The stubble on his chin tickled Loki's cheek. Loki laughed and didn't let go. "'The tale of how Odin lost his eye,'" Thor read aloud in a dramatic voice. "A very, very, _very_ long time ago, because Odin is so old he was there at the beginning of the world . . ." Loki twisted between Thor's arms, but he was smiling. Oh, how Thor treasured that smile.

"Stop it, that's not how it goes," Loki told him.

"No?" said Thor, and grinned at his brother. "Am I wrong, then? Have I forgotten all my lessons?"

"You are a brute," Loki told him, and pinched Thor's massive forearm to make his point.

"Ow!" Thor dropped the book and wrapped his arms around Loki instead. "No tricks, brother."

Loki squirmed in his arms, but Thor just tightened his grip. "Let me go." Loki abruptly stopped smiling and went very still. "Let me _go, _Thor." Thor frowned but released him. Loki's tone had suddenly become sharp. "You are the strongest warrior in all of Asgard. Do you not think I know that you are stronger than me?"

Thor was hurt. "Do you think I would I would harm you?"

Loki smoothed out his rumpled clothes and hair like an angry bird smoothing out its feathers. "Everyone knows you are to be named heir. You should not act like a child."

"The announcement has not been made–"

"But it will be." Loki glared at him, and Thor did not understand the pain he saw in Loki's eyes. Loki had lost his enjoyment of roughhousing a long time ago, but he had never rejected Thor's touch so thoroughly before.

"How can you know for certain?" Thor asked, though he believed that Loki was right. It was difficult to imagine their father trusting Loki with the throne.

"Asgard is a kingdom of warriors, and warriors need a warrior king."

Thor had no argument against that. He loosely wrapped his arms around Loki once again and buried his face in Loki's shoulder. Loki made a noise of protest, but he did not struggle this time. "You are my brother, and you will always be at my side," Thor told him sincerely. "I would not have it any other way."

Loki sighed and hesitantly rested his head on Thor's. "It is good to have you home, Thor."

"And it is good to be here."

* * *

Thor didn't question how he felt about Loki. Loki was his brother; therefore, Thor loved him; therefore, Thor wanted to protect him. There were some points when he could have put a name to it if he had wanted to, like when Loki smiled at him over a glass of wine at dinner and Thor's heart skipped a beat, or when Loki collapsed on his bed after a long day of training and Thor just wanted to run his fingers through his hair and soothe him until he could fall asleep. But Thor didn't try to put a name to it, didn't want to put a name to it, until Loki was staring at him, broken, with tears running down his face. Thor hadn't realized that his brother had the power to hurt him so much.

"You're not my brother," Loki snarled. "You never were."

Thor ignored him, because this time it was Loki who was wrong. Brother was a word, and to Thor it had always meant so much more than its obvious meaning. It was everything he had ever felt about Loki condensed into one word. He loved Loki so, so much, and that was the only way he could say it. Loki didn't understand that.

Then again, maybe he did, and that was why he didn't want Thor to use it.


	5. Chapter 5: Summer's End

_Chapter 5: Summer's End_

In early summer, it was announced that Thor would be named heir.

There was a party just to celebrate the announcement, of course, before the ceremony itself had even been held. Loki was required to attend, and he spend much of it clinging to the walls and watching the goings on with distaste. As it grew late and the festivities showed no signs of stopping, Loki decided he had had enough. His brother was nowhere to be seen and the King and Queen were occupied with a conversation between themselves, so it was the perfect chance to disappear without being missed. As he strode along the golden halls that led toward his chambers, he saw Thor standing on a balcony, talking and smiling. He was holding a bunch of grapes, and as Loki watched, he offered it to his companion – Sif.

Loki stopped dead. He slipped into an alcove and watched Thor, picking up bits and pieces of their conversation as he did so. It was nothing interesting, something about what Thor would do when he was king, and it was quite simply a waste of air. Without really thinking of what he was doing, he gestured in the air with his hands and created a perfect illusion of himself. He watched as the illusion approached the couple on the balcony. Loki was quiet, but the illusion was silent, and Thor started horribly when he noticed it. Sif did not. Loki's mouth twitched into a grimace; he would have liked to scare her, but he was angriest at his brother anyway.

"Loki," said Thor, and he sounded troubled. "What is it?"

"Can I not come and say hello?" the illusion asked with a smile. "I was simply passing by."

"Would you care to join us?" Thor asked, and moved over to make room on the balcony. "We were just discussing how many of us it would take to bring down an army of frost giants."

"Thank you for the kind offer, but no. Mother wants to see you."

"It can't be too urgent. Knowing her, it's probably about the arrangements for the ceremony." Thor plucked a small bunch from the larger bunch of grapes and held it out to Loki's double. "Grape?"

Loki was so surprised, his illusion automatically put out its hands for Thor to drop the bunch into. Of course, the grapes fell straight through his hands with a flicker of light. Thor stared. The illusion smiled. "Now, now, you really still can't tell the difference? Mother _does_ want to see you, and she won't be happy if you ignore her." The illusion flickered out of existence. Loki stayed in the shadows long enough to see the look of betrayal on Thor's face. He didn't wait to see if Thor actually went to their mother.

Of course he would. No matter how many times Loki tricked and teased him, Thor always believed his brother.

* * *

Thor knew how Loki felt about him being named heir. He saw the way Loki withdrew into himself after the announcement, how his face became carefully blank of all emotion. Loki had always been good at affecting joy or amusement, but for several days after, Thor didn't seem him even pretend to smile once. Thor knew that Loki had always felt like an outcast, but he didn't _understand. _If Loki would only spend more time with Thor and his friends, people would see that he could laugh and enjoy himself just like anyone else. Instead, Loki insisted on his solitary life as he always had, and Thor's friends thought it was only natural that Loki should be jealous of Thor.

After all, Thor was his better in every way.

One afternoon, Thor went looking for Loki. Loki wasn't in the library, his chambers, or any of the alcoves he sometimes hid in. Sometimes Loki just disappeared like this, and Thor suspected that when he did he went to the forest, but it was a near impossible task to find Loki among the trees when he could take on the guise of a deer or bird and simply flee. The only other place Loki was likely to be was in the training yards, so Thor went there as a last attempt.

It was getting late in the day and it was warm out, so the warriors were all elsewhere. Loki was alone in the shadows at the far end of the yard. Thor watched silently as he threw his small, sharp knives, one after the other, into a wooden pole. Each hit it with a quiet _thiiik, _making a line at the center of the pole from top to bottom. When Loki ran out of knives, he walked forward and began to pull them out.

"Brother," Thor said, and pushed himself off of the wall he had been leaning against. Loki spun around quickly and Thor felt something clench in his chest. Loki was difficult to startle; he must have been deep in his thoughts, and from his blank expression, they had not been cheerful.

Loki regained his composure quickly and went back to retrieving his knives. "If you're in want of a sparring partner, I suggest you look elsewhere."

"I want to talk."

There was a cool breeze blowing, and it ruffled the loose ends of Loki's locks. He pushed them out of his face and did not look at Thor. "What about, then?"

Thor hesitated. "You will come to the ceremony, will you not? I know it displeases you, but . . ."

Loki looked at Thor with a confused frown. "Of course. I have little choice anyway. It's a year away, Thor; what are you asking me now for?"

"Not as our father's son," Thor clarified, "but as my brother."

Loki's face softened. He looked back at his target and fingered one of knives. "So sentimental." He was quiet for so long, Thor thought that was all he was going to say. Loki walked back to where he had been before, aimed a knife, and threw. It seemed to hit the target to his satisfaction, because a slight smile curved his lips. "But yes, I will come."

Thor nodded and left.

"A year is a long time," Loki said quietly as he threw a second knife. "You shouldn't ask me to make promises I might not be able to keep."


	6. Chapter 6: Dreams

_Chapter 6: Dreams_

Loki's dreams were not quite like those of most of the gods in Asgard. He asked Thor about his dreams when they were younger, because Thor was everything Asgard wanted, and therefore Loki's authority on what was Normal. Thor's dreams were fragmented, blurry things made up of sight and sound only. Thor could hardly remember them most days. Loki's were not like that at all.

He dreamt vividly and with all his senses. If he chose, he could change his own actions with only a slight effort of will. He never confused dreams with reality, however. In his mind, there was always the knowledge of _this is a dream. _

Loki was walking in the forest. He could smell leaves as he crushed them underfoot – now the scent of an ash tree, now the rich smell of plain earth. The forest meant two things to Loki: peace from the prying eyes and noise of the castle, and hunting, when his brother would lead a hunting party out for game and sport. Now, though, the forest meant neither. Loki slowed his steps. There was only the feeling he was being watched, and whether it was good or bad, he could not say. The bird calls were distant, but a mouse browsed in the underbrush nearby unconcerned. Loki looked up at the trees around him for Hugin and Munin, wondering if Odin's ravens had followed him into the dream, but they were not there.

There was a sword on the ground in a clearing, made of ice. Loki picked it up and felt its weight in his hand. When the light hit it just right, it seemed to almost disappear. Had Loki fought with swords, it would have been the sort of weapon he would have liked.

There was a presence behind him, and Loki turned. Thor stepped out from behind a cluster of trees. Loki smiled. There was a naked blade in Thor's hand, but Thor did not hold it as though he would wield it. It was strange to see him without Mjölnir. Thor's gaze was on Loki, but he was not smiling. They approached each other and Thor dropped his sword.

Loki froze. This close, he could see the heat in Thor's eyes. Thor smiled and lifted a hand to brush Loki's cheek, a feather-light touch that made every inch of his skin prickle. Instinctively, Loki raised his hand, but he had somehow forgotten he was holding the sword. As Thor leaned forward, he impaled himself on the blade. Loki screamed silently, but Thor did not seem to notice. He leaned forward more, and instead of blood, ice crystals crawled across his body from the wound. Thor's lips were so close Loki could feel his breath on his own . . .

Loki wrenched himself out of the dream. Waking felt like struggling to reach the surface of deep water, and when Loki opened his eyes he gasped in air. He was alone in his bedroom, with no light but the cold moonlight streaming through the window.

It took several moments for him to steady his breathing, and longer for his heart to stop racing. Loki felt very awake and icy cold. He would not be able to fall asleep again for some time, so he did not even bother to try.

Loki got dressed quickly. His hands moved as if of their own accord, automatically doing in the dark what he took such care doing in the day. He did not make a sound as he slipped out of his room and into the hall. It was silent and still in the palace at night, and he would do nothing to disturb it.

Loki went to his brother's door and hesitated. He listened for three heartbeats for any noise or sign that Thor was awake. Hearing none, Loki quietly pushed open the door and stepped inside.

Thor's face was turned away from him, and all Loki could see was a tangle of hair and sheets made black and white by the night. Thor's even breathing was evidence enough that Loki had not woken him. Loki leaned against the cold stone wall and watched him sleep. This was not the first time Loki had watched his brother without Thor knowing. It was not difficult to avoid waking him.

Loki had dreamed of his brother like that before. Sometimes they were gentle kisses, sometimes touches, sometimes something more. Loki had not used to mind them. He had let them run their course, and would then wake with a smile on his face, reliving them happily. That his dreams were not reality had not bothered him, for the most part; the waking world was always different from the dream world, and perhaps in time, they would be the same. Lately, though, something had begun to weigh on Loki's heart. The dreams made him feel a self-loathing that he usually associated only with the times he disappointed others. In his own mind, there was no one to judge him but himself.

Loki slid down the wall to the floor. He would be there for a long while yet, and though the floor was cold and uncomfortable, it was better than standing.

Loki's thoughts consumed his mind and he hardly noticed the passage of time until the cold light from the window took on a golden tinge. Loki eased himself to his feet. He was stiff from sitting for so long, and he took a moment to simply stand and watch his brother. He turned to go, but his first footstep echoed too loudly in the room, and he heard his brother stir. Loki paused; there was no point in running if Thor already knew he was there.

"Brother?" Thor asked sleepily. He must have already been close to waking, because when Loki turned with a prepared smile, Thor's blue eyes looked back at him lucidly.

"I just came to see if you were awake," Loki said. The lie rolled easily off his tongue. "I am going to have an early breakfast, and I wondered if you wished to join me."

Thor groaned and lay an arm across his eyes. "I think I will decline. I drank too much last night and am not interested in dining at whatever early hour this is. You have such ungodly sleeping habits, brother."

Loki laughed lightly. "Because you are an authority on such things."

Thor removed the arm from his eyes and frowned at Loki. Loki shifted uncomfortably; he must have betrayed something in his tone or expression. Thor was not always the sharpest, but sometimes he was sharper than Loki would like. "What hour is it?" Thor asked.

"Early," Loki said vaguely.

Thor sat up. "Are dreams troubling you, brother?"

Loki considered lying outright, but if he did Thor would notice and never leave him alone. Loki sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "Yes."

"Tell me."

Loki cocked his head and considered. "I was in the forest, alone. You appeared, and I killed you." It was blunt and honest enough. Hopefully it would keep Thor from asking again.

Thor looked startled. Good. "I take no offense, if you were worried I would," Thor said, and he spread his arms. "And as you can see, I'm all in one piece."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know. I'm not a child."

Thor frowned. "Are you concerned it will come true, then?"

Loki thought of the blade of ice. He knew what it meant. He had already contacted the jotunn and made a deal with them, to do what their father should have done: to make sure that his foolish brother did not take the throne before he was ready. Still, it unsettled him deeply that his dream had been so close to what could happen. Loki smiled, a strained, humorless one. "I do not see the future, even in strange symbols in dreams. That is our parents' area."

"Much good it ever does us," Thor said with a snort. That brought a real smile to Loki's lips; Thor never insulted their parents behind their backs.

"You sound like me."

"No always a bad thing, brother." Thor lay back with a contented sigh.

Loki stood. "I will not disturb you further, then. Would you like me to draw the curtains?"

"Please." Thor rolled onto his side and buried his nose in his pillow.

Loki twitched a hand and the curtains on the windows swung closed. He closed the door quietly behind him and stepped back out into the silent halls.


	7. Chapter 7: Crowned in Ice

_Author's note: _Sorry for the wait! This chapter contains spoilers for _Thor_.

* * *

_Chapter 7: Crowned in Ice_

The coronation was to be as splendid as was to be expected. The throne room was expanded into the courtyard outside. Great doors were opened; the sunlight streamed in. Everything was polished until it shown. Golden banners trimmed in scarlet hung from the rafters. For many days before, the courtyard was like this, but silent, empty. Loki, intent on taking the nearest shortcut to avoid his brother, walked through the courtyard by accident. The banners flapped in the wind. In the open space, he felt exposed, as though eyes were watching him. He hurried on his way.

The morning of the coronation, Loki rose early. Normally, he dressed without the help of servants, but when several appeared at his door, he let them in. This was one of only a few times he had worn his full regalia, and he held himself very still in front of the mirror as they draped the silk and gold around him. His helmet went on last, and he placed that on his head himself.

_I should be king, _he thought as he examined the sharpness of his jaw and the arch of his neck in the mirror. _I look like a king. _For a moment, he regretted that no one could know who had orchestrated the interruption the frost giants were about to create. Everyone underestimated Loki, even Odin. But underneath it all – underneath the knowledge that this was the right thing to do, that Thor could not be a king when he knew only brute strength – he felt the icy fingers of guilt close around his throat.

Loki swept out of his rooms. Such feelings were things for another day. Today, he was a prince of Asgard.

* * *

There were many things about that day Loki would regret.

"Sometimes I'm envious, but never doubt that I love you," he said to Thor as they gazed into each other's eyes. _No, never doubt that, _Loki told himself bitterly.

"Thank you," said Thor. His voice was rough. Loki's words had meant a great deal to him, Loki knew, and he was glad when Thor looked away.

"Now give us a kiss," Loki said in a joking tone and with a soft curve of his mouth – because what could it be but a joke? For a moment, Thor's eyes widened, and Loki's heart stuttered. Had he gone too far? Then Thor laughed, and Loki could breathe.

But Thor, who did not have Loki's cunning, nonetheless knew how to catch his brother at his most vulnerable. "Really, how do I look?" asked Thor softly. Loki looked at Thor, and the sharp piece of truth Loki could never quite bury deep enough bit into his heart. For a moment, he lost his breath. When he regained it, he knew the words on his lips were the truth.

"Like a king."

_Like the king I could never be._

And then Loki was called away to take his place with the other royalty, and the coronation began. As Thor passed him, Loki raised his head. It was time. He felt them appear an instant before Odin did.

"Frost giants." As the coronation dissolved into chaos, Loki only barely hid his smile. Now Thor would show his arrogance (for what was Thor without arrogance) and rashness (for Thor would always be rash) by rushing into Jotunnheim, and it would be over.

Loki would never be chosen as king. But Thor would not be, either, and Loki could have him to himself for a little while longer.

They rode their swiftest horses down the bifrost, and as the wind whipped back his hair, Loki felt only joy.

* * *

The anger Thor felt that the frost giants had dared attack them on the day of his coronation was like nothing he had felt before. It had been a cowardly attack, trying to take back a treasure stollen from them when the Æsir were distracted, and the timing indicated it was political as well. The frost giants had disrespected Thor, Odin, and Asgard, and they would pay for it.

When he was tossed to Midgard as if he were no longer a god, he felt betrayed. But more than that, he felt confused. He knew he had been doing the right thing. As he wandered this new world, his confusion only deepened. Earth, Jane – these things he could understand. But as he gazed up at the stars, he wondered why Loki did not come for him.

* * *

Loki stood on the bifrost. He was not waiting for Thor to return home from a quest. No, Loki was not waiting, for once in his life. This time, Thor was the one waiting for Loki to call him home. And he would be waiting for a long time.

Loki gazed down at his right hand, which he had clenched into a fist. Would an eternity be long enough? A lifetime? Or, Loki wondered distantly, would Loki have to meet his death before he could be certain that Thor would never know the truth?

Loki had been wrong. He knew that now. He had once hoped that the warmth he shared with Thor in his dreams would be what bled through into reality. Instead, it was the sword of ice that had followed him out of his nightmares. Loki had always known in some dark part of himself that he did not deserve Thor. Now he knew he did not even deserve to live in the world he had known all his life.

The sky was black, infinitely so, and Loki had no trouble believing that it there had once been only the Void. _First there was the Void. Then the great rivers froze, and from the hoarfrost and the ice came the realms . . . _How could Loki have missed that all this time? He had been so focused on the green of the forest in the summer, the vastness of the night sky, and the sun that Thor was, he had forgotten to look for the ice that crept through his veins. When he looked back on his childhood, he saw how naive he had been.

He slowly unclenched his fist. His skin looked the same as it always had, but as he looked at the blue veins that showed through the thinness of his wrist, he wondered what color he would bleed.

There was the sound of a footstep behind him, the soft rustle of fabric. Loki did not turn; he already knew who it was who had joined him. He looked back up at the sky, and Frigga did the same. She clasped her hands in front of her, a gesture that she had used since his childhood to indicate that she would not judge him. Her gown billowed softly in the slight breeze that drifted from Asgard down the length of the bifrost. "Sometimes I wonder if you have inherited the gift your father and I share," she said gently.

"Why do you say that?"

"You knew your brother was not prepared to be king as well as I did." She glanced at him with a slight smile. "In fact, if I didn't know better, I would think you had conspired with Odin to ensure he will be."

"Will he?" Loki asked faintly.

Frigga turned to face him. "Yes, Loki. As long as he has you." She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. He was still wearing his helmet, and her fingers brushed the cold metal. "He has never lost hope in you, and neither have I," she murmured. Then she turned and walked away.

"You will," Loki whispered, and his breath showed white in the air.

* * *

_"When I'm king, I'll hunt the monsters down and slay them all!" _Thor had said so very, very long ago, and he always kept his word. Yet he had failed, so Loki would do it for him. After all, if the frost giants no longer existed, Thor could hardly claim Loki was one of them.

When Thor tried to stop him, Loki fought. This rejection of his true heritage was the one thing Thor could not take away from him. But then Thor turned his hammer not on Loki, as it should have been, but on the bifrost. For a moment, Loki felt a flicker of hope. The frost giants – _Loki_ – were more important to Thor than the human woman Thor loved. But then the despair returned and Loki felt as though he were falling into darkness. It took almost no effort to let go and make that a physical reality. The Void, at least, would take him.

He closed his eyes so that he would not have to see Thor screaming for him to come back.


	8. Chapter 8: The Mighty Will Fall

_Author's note: _Spoilers for _The Avengers _in this chapter and the next one.

* * *

_Chapter 8: The Mighty Will Fall_

Thor was in a forest. He was aware, in some distant way, that he was dreaming. It was summertime, or perhaps a warm day in spring. The light that filtered through the trees was warm. He was chasing Loki, but Loki was not truly evading him, for Thor was close to catching him. He could see Loki flitting behind the next tree, and he could see his mischievous smile. Thor lunged and gripped Loki's wrist. He caught Loki in his arms easily, and Loki came to him, laughing.

They were sitting under the shade of a tree, now, and they were eating the blackberry tarts they had stolen from the kitchens. Except they hadn't stolen them, Loki had, and he was licking the blackberry juice from Thor's fingers as Thor fed him one of the pastries. Loki offered him one, but Thor pushed it away.

Thor kissed him and tasted the sweetness on his lips. Loki was wearing a loose robe, and as Thor held him closer, it slipped to reveal one pale shoulder. Thor kissed that shoulder, leaving sticky marks of blackberry juice on it. All he could see were Loki's smile and his piercing green eyes. As Thor's mouth rose higher to Loki's neck, his hands slipped lower under the robe. He caressed Loki's hips and felt how soft and smooth his skin was.

Before his hands could wander any farther, he felt Loki's cool hands settle atop his. Loki leaned close, his lips brushing Thor's ear. "Wake up," he whispered, and Thor shivered at the sound.

He awoke in a cold sweat. He stared blankly at the ceiling for a long moment. He could still feel Loki's presence, as though Loki was in the room . . .

Thor sat up, the bedsheets pooling around his waist. It was dark, far from dawn, but the moon cast faint shadows on the wall. He thought he saw one of them move. He held out his hand and Mjolnir flew into it with a soft sound. He pushed back the covers and padded into the hallway, following the shadow.

The hallway was empty, save for the flickering shadows that the dancing flames of the torches in their sconces cast on the walls. He paused, listening. Unbidden, the image of Loki offering him the pastry came to mind.

_Never eat the food of the dead . . ._

It hit him like the blow of a hammer. There was no point for him to be chasing Loki, because Loki was gone.

Thor released Mjolnir, and it hit the floor with a resounding clang. He stared unseeingly before him. The heavy, hollow feeling that he had been fighting for so long now settled back beneath his breastbone. He had been looking straight into Loki's eyes when Loki had let go. That, he had not dreamed. Loki had fallen into the abyss, and he would never return. But Loki had . . .

Thor had _felt _him. Loki had been there, if only for a minute.

_Wake up. _

Thor wrapped his hand around Mjolnir's hilt with a slight hesitation, as he always did these days. What if this time, it realized that he wasn't worthy, that he had _let _his brother fall to his death? But it came easily from the floor, so he straightened and strode back to his chambers. He did not even glance at the bed as he pulled on his armor. First, the trousers; then, the chest pieces, the boots; and finally, the vambraces.

His fingers brushed the metal reverently. He had beaten the initial shape into the metal himself, though more skilled hands than his had smoothed and refined it. It was his nod to Loki that so few others made: the shape of Loki's helmet was embossed on his vambraces as a sign of respect for a dear, fallen warrior.

Despite what the others said, Loki had been a warrior of his own kind.

Thor went out into the cool night air and approached Heimdall on the repaired bifrost. "Where is Loki?" he demanded.

The guardian looked at Thor impassively. Thor had asked before if Heimdall could see his brother, but Heimdall had always said that he could not see him in the immensity of the abyss.

"On Midgard, with those who call themselves the Avengers," Heimdall replied. "He has stolen what they call the Tesseract." His eyes focused on Thor, waiting for the command.

All the deadness in Thor's veins burned away as if by fire. Loki was _alive. _All this time, Thor had been mourning for a brother he had never lost.

"Take me there." And the guardian did.

And then he reached Earth and remembered all over again exactly how much he had lost his brother. Loki had abandoned Asgard, abandoned _him_, and now he was causing chaos as if Loki was the wronged one. The first time Thor touched him in what felt like an age, it was not to embrace him, as he had dreamed it would be; it was to drag him out of the sky.

The fire of his joy turned to anger and sorrow, because Loki was still as stubborn as he had ever been, and he would not let even Thor make him see sense.


	9. Chapter 9: How Deep It Runs

_Chapter 9: How Deep It Runs_

"Come home," Thor had mouthed, and for an instant, Loki had not been deaf. Thor knew the truth, and still he told him to come home. A slight quirk of Loki's mouth, an almost-smile, and he had seen the hope in his heart mirrored in Thor's eyes.

But Loki pushed that hope down until it flickered and cooled, because Loki was not like Thor. Loki did not forget. He knew what would greet him in Asgard – and that was not his home any longer.

So Loki did what he did best: he tried to destroy the only thing that had ever mattered to him.

* * *

Once, when they had gone hunting in the forest a long, long time ago, they paused near midday for a rest by a river. Just as Loki was lifting the water to his lips, Thor's head came up; the pounding of a waterfall was audible in the distance. Thor, not one to sit about idly, set off to find it. Loki smiled to himself and drank the water down before following him. They made their way with practiced steps across the uneven rocks and roots that lined the water's edge.

It was warm out, and the sun promised it would only get warmer. Thor's tunic stuck to him with sweat, Loki's tunic was getting there, and they were both grimy from lying in the underbrush. Normally Loki would perform a quick cooling spell on himself, but the air was cool in the shade near the river and the breeze they made as they walked was enough.

Thor disappeared over a ridge ahead of him. "Thank the Norns!" Thor exclaimed. Loki ran the last few steps and reached the top of the ridge just in time to see Thor, already shirtless, shimmy out of his trousers and leap into the water, entirely naked.

Loki shielded his face from the splash, and a few drops reached his hands. When he lowered his hands, Thor was already swimming happily in the pool at the base of the waterfall. Smiling, Loki descended the ridge at a more moderate pace.

"This is _glorious! _You have to join me," Thor called, treading water.

Loki found a rock where he would be out of range of all but the most generous of Thor's splashes. "No, thank you," he called back. "I'm quite comfortable where I am."

Thor stood up in the water and turned to face him. His hair had fallen over his face haphazardly and was dripping. It made him look even more worried than usual. "Why not? Surely you're not afraid of a little water. And you're as filthy as I am."

"I love water," Loki retorted. He examined himself and found that he was indeed a little dirtier than he had though, though nowhere near as dirty as Thor had been. He flicked a finger and the dirt immediately disappeared. The dull pain that had settled behind his forehead when he woke up that morning suddenly flared, and he had to squint and grit his teeth against the pain. In an instant, it had receded to a dull throbbing. "See," he said, controlling his voice so he didn't sound out of breath, "I am perfectly clean."

When he looked up, Thor was still watching him. The crease between Thor's eyebrows had deepened. "I didn't realize you were so tired," Thor said. He strode closer to the shore, splashing water everywhere as he did so. "You should have said something. We could have stopped earlier."

Loki glared at him, not bothering to conceal his annoyance. "If I was tired, I would have said so. I'm fine."

Thor came to a stop when the water was only knee-high. Loki determinedly looked only at his face. Thor didn't seem to notice. "This is from your magic, isn't it?"

Loki rolled his eyes. _That _much would be evident to anyone, but of course Thor thought that capturing a bilgesnipe or two had been too much. "I may have overextended myself. I won't do it again."

"Alright. Take care of yourself, brother," Thor said solemnly, and he came close enough to clasp Loki's arm. He turned and walked back into the water, and Loki wished he was a little less tired so he could enjoy the view. The truth was that Loki had been up late the night before casting spell after spell, the sort that were written in books that had locks on them to protect them from prying eyes. The wet handprint on his sleeve was almost too cool, now that he was in the shade, but he didn't dare dry it. The best way to keep Thor from worrying was to cast large magics when they were called for, not the little things Loki did on a regular basis, and it would be some hours yet before Loki could do anything significant without being in danger of knocking himself unconscious.

When Thor disappeared under the water to wet his hair, Loki looked around the river bank. Thor's clothes were still strewn carelessly on the rocks, and they really were filthy. Loki got up and walked over to them. He wrinkled his nose as he picked up Thor's tunic. It smelled as though it hadn't been washed in days.

Thor surfaced from the water and slicked back his hair. Loki stood there a moment, tunic in hand, just watching him. Thor seemed to have forgotten all about Loki, or the world for that matter. He was gazing into the distance with an unusually blank expression as he treaded water.

"Hey, Thor," Loki called. Thor turned to looked at him. "Catch!" All of Thor's clothing landed with a plop just in front of him. Thor had a moment to be surprised before he realized that all his clothes were now soaking wet.

_"Loki!"_ he bellowed as he frantically gathered them up.

Loki laughed. "Your clothes are disgusting. I'm doing you a favor."

Thor set down his clothes and growled. He strode towards the shore, and it took Loki a second to realize what he was doing. "No," said Loki, scrambling backwards on his rock. It was too late. Thor reached him, threw him over his shoulder, and walked back into the pool. "You cannot do this, Thor," Loki told Thor's bare backside in a stern tone, and then Thor threw him in the water.

When Loki surfaced, he glared at Thor as hard as he could. Thor was laughing so hard he could barely breath. "You look like a drowned cat!" he managed to say before he dissolved into laughter. Loki dove back under the water, grabbed Thor's ankles, and pulled him under.

* * *

Loki wondered, sometimes, what it would feel like to be absolutely powerless. "Worried" would not be the right word; he thought of it with disinterest, like he did about death and tales of things he didn't quite believe had ever happened. He supposed it would be the moment his magic fled him and he couldn't call up even the tiniest drop of power. But sometimes, when he felt how deep the thread of his power ran, he thought that if he ran out of magic he would die.

He did not feel powerless when Thor approached him with the chains in one hand and the gag in the other. "I am sorry to have to do this," Thor told him in a low voice. Loki watched silently as Thor secured his hands first. The metal was cool, and it did not warm against his skin the way it would against Thor's. It was not Asgardian metal, as the mortals seemed to think; it was from Midgard, from the institution they called SHIELD. It was strong, but it was not spelled. If Loki had cared, even once Thor had secured the gag against his mouth, it would have done no good at all.

But Loki did not care. The restraints were comforting, in their way; they were an excuse for why he did not kill Thor then and there. It had taken some time, but he now accepted that Thor, for whatever reason, did not think that Loki's heritage mattered. So he met Thor's eyes as they prepared to leave, because Loki was not afraid. He had nothing to be afraid of.

That did not mean he was not still angry.


End file.
